I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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