There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
