Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
