he thought i was a dude.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it glows. i had to have it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
