My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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