only you would photoshop your dick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
