I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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