So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
