wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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