Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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