No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
