How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday