After last night, I could never be a politician.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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