no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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