I hate all girls vehemently.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.