I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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