Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.