I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been