I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma