Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out