I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's rum buckets o'clock
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
