How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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