I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
