where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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