I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
