I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
