He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
