It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
