Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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