Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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