who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
