at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
