An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
