One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
