cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
