I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
