the condom got lost in my hair
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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