He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
