my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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