my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
