I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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