I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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