i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
