I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
