You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
