Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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