Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
