Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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