Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
