is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
