Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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