you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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