Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
