It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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