Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
