I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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