I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
