Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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