You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
