I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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