3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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