Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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