sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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