Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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