once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
