Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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