He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
