But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
