I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
