I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
