the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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