I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
