I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
