Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
