she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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