47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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