Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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