My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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